Sai Pallavi: When I began as an actor, I used to have a lot of insecurities

The Premam and Gargi actor evaluates herself as a performer, how she gets better with each film, and more…

Edited excerpts:

When you look at who you were as a performer at the time of your debut and who you are now, do you think you’ve gotten better or leave it up to someone else to tell you that?

When I did Premam, I was very conscious because I didn’t know what I had to do. I didn’t know what focus meant, for instance. It was from scratch and every time I had to hold back and not know how much I should smile or do something else. And at the time I had a lot of insecurities. Right now, the camera exists and I don’t even know if it exists. So if there’s something I’ve learned, it’s to not focus on anything else other than the scene.

How do you keep getting better as an actor? Is it a conscious effort from your side? Is there a way for you to freshen yourself as an actor?

I think there is something that subconsciously runs in my head. I think my body and mind are connected in a very weird way even without me consciously having to do something a certain way. Once I feel something looks monotonous, there’s another part of my brain that looks for something that can fit in that place. It’s not like a conscious choice or effort I take from my end but my head works that way.

Are there days when you feel like you don’t want to go to a shoot and just lay on your bed and watch YouTube videos?

Yes. It happened while shooting for Shyam Singha Roy because we did night shoots. I can’t do night shoots. I don’t sleep during the day, so imagine me being up at night and during the day. This went on for 30 days, I think. And I was shooting for Gargi and Love Story. I’ve always been blessed with just one film at a time, but now post-Covid, it was three films and no sleep. I remember crying, thinking, “I love acting, and I can’t believe I want a day off.” But I never told anybody. But one day, I think my sister went and told the producer that Pallavi was crying because she wanted a day off, and he felt so bad that they told me to take ten days off so I could do what I wanted.  

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